Well, I wrote that sentence two hours ago. Maybe I'll try again now.
I've been thinking about why I seem to have difficulty with maintaining focus on a particular task once I get past the first flush of enthusiasm. I can only see two alternatives: fear of failure ... or fear of success. Let's examine them both.
Fear of failure. That's pretty obvious. If I'm going to fail at something, why bother trying, right? Once I've gotten into a project, I start to see just how complex it is, how long it will take me, how much better other people are at it, how futile my pathetic attempts are, how ... how ... how ...
You get the picture.
Some obvious responses. Break the project down into smaller pieces or shorter chunks of time. Look at what you've accomplished in just one month, one week, one day, one hour. Think of what you've learned – and be specific.
Sure. Easy. Piece of cake.
But I always look at the whole thing and get overwhelmed. I'm going to learn to play chess really well, instead of I'm going to study one opening today. Whenever I start a project, I am bombarded with thoughts of the inevitability of failure, the certainty that I won't keep going with it, that I'll lose interest and just give up. And I make the mistake of assuming those thoughts are an accurate representation of reality. I don't question them. I don't ask, where do they come from? when did I first feel this way? whose voice is this anyway???
More later. Maybe tomorrow. Don't count on it.
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